I began to pray every day for Michael, like I had never prayed before. Each time, though, I had to confess my own hardness of heart. I saw how deeply hurt and unforgiving of him I was. I don’t want to pray for him. I don’t want to ask God to bless him. I only want God to strike his heart with lightening and convict him of how cruel he has been, I thought. I had to say over and over, “God, I confess my unforgiveness toward my husband. Deliver me from all of it.” ~taken from The Power of a Praying® Wife
How many times have we thought this? “Lord, change him, leave me out of it, I am a victim, but change him.” This used to be my constant plea. “Change him for being unloving or for not listening to me. Change him so that he makes me #1.”
As I began to read about what God wanted from me, as a Christian wife and mother, my heart began to change. My prayers began to change. I realized that I had unrealistic expectations. I could not be without my hubby.
I remember so many times, during hard days, thinking that if, God forbid, something happened to him my life would truly be over. He was my absolute life. He was the reason I lived and breathed. I would be totally crabby all day, until he got home….to validate me. If for some reason he didn’t (like if he had a bad day, too) I was crushed. I had these expectations of him to make me feel special, loved, like I mattered.
I came to realize, through getting into scripture, that I’m putting unrealistic expectations on him. I don’t need him to validate me. That is what God is for. I am made to seek God and let Him fill my empty spaces. As much as I love and adore my hubby, he can’t do what God can do for me. He’s not meant to. He is commanded to love me. Not to make sure that I feel all warm and fuzzy. Not to make sure that I am put on a pedestal. And if he doesn’t love me, that is between him and God….it doesn’t give me a license to shirk my duties, too. I am still commanded to be selfless, to respect him, and to submit to him.
Men are made to be leaders. They are decision makers. They aren’t driven to discuss things like women like to do. Thus enters the problem. Men’s idea of loving their wife involves protecting her, providing for her, etc. If they work hard all day and bring home a paycheck, they feel that they are loving. Women just get mad because they weren’t home for dinner. Then the guy gets mad because she is mad and the whole thing gets blown out of proportion.
This is where selflessness enters in. It’s where realizing that you are to be filled with God and not making your hubby validate you. When you bring God to the center of your life, the rest follows. Look to God when you are lonely, he promises he is with you always (Hebrews 13:5-6, Isaiah 41:10). When you feel that you are doing things in vain, remember that you are working for God, not men (Col 3:23) When you feel that you are dealing with life issues that no one gets, he’s there for you and will bring peace (Psalm 55:22).
No matter what your hubby does, he can’t fill God’s place in your heart. He’s a sinner, just like you. Take a step back and fix you. Pray that God shows you where you are lacking. Do you disrespect your hubby’s opinions on little things (your hair, your dress, your favorite tv show, etc)? Do you like to argue? Do you pick fights because you are mad about something he did? Do you withhold sex because he’s just not nice enough to get it?
There are many, many scriptures that tell us how to be godly wives. Find them, study them, live them. When God becomes your focus, it becomes easier to serve your hubby (regardless of how he’s acting). When you serve your hubby unselfishly (without rubbing it in his face for praise) he WILL RESPOND!!! It’s hard to start, but you can do all things thru Christ, right?
As someone who has been on both sides, take it from me that it will get easier. It will become natural to just do what you know your hubby likes. It’ll become easier to let him make decisions. It will become easier to keep your snarky comments to yourself. It will get easier to just love him and do the best you can for him…….
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